There are those who watch medical dramas in spite of their grisly surgeries, and those who watch medical dramas because of them. “The Pitt” certainly has both batches of fans in its corner — you can’t win a Best Drama Series Emmy by only appealing to the “Dr. Pimple Popper” crowd — but this ranking is strictly for the sickos.
While “The Pitt” has been praised rightly and often for the vicarious satisfaction of seeing skilled professionals treat patient after patient with empathy and efficiency, it’s also worth noting the show’s keen indulgence of catastrophes’ consequences. Every inserted chest tube, stitched-up laceration, and arduous child birth are realized with the same precision and care that Dr. Robby (Noah Wyle) shows his patients. The prosthetics and props look so real viewers would be forgiven for washing up before each viewing, just to ensure a sterile surgical environment — even in their own homes.
In Season 2, “The Pitt’s” production team ups the surgical ante with some truly fucked-up injuries, even before the July 4th holiday rush hits. There’s a bacon-grease burn that’s any meat-eater’s worst nightmare. There’s a kid with multiple colored beads wedged so far up his nose it’s surprising he can still smell. There’s even an abandoned baby whose persistent health starts to feel like Chekhov’s mystery disease.
Yet one of “The Pitt’s” savviest storytelling tactics is that you never know who’s going to get discharged with a pat on the back and who’s going to end up in the E.R. for the entire shift. Add in the steady parade of new emergencies, and you simply never know when a disgusting new trauma is about to rear its ugly head. And if you’re a true sicko, you can’t wait to find out.
Below, we’ll rank “The Pitt” Season 2’s most gruesome (read: coolest) surgeries, injuries, and medical emergencies by the only metric accurate enough to be worthy of such an honor: the Ick Factor. Now, not all patients will be included — apologies to the aforementioned kid suffering from self-inflicted Hard Booger Syndrome, but your condition isn’t gross enough to chart — and we reserve the right to adjust the rankings as episodes progress along with each person’s symptoms and treatments. But otherwise, the results should be as conclusive as they are repulsive.
Let’s scrub in:
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The ‘Big One’
Image Credit: Courtesy of HBO Max / Screenshot When Mr. Randall shuffled into the Pitt with a broken penis (or, conversely, a penis that’s working way too well), every male viewer let out a collective, “Oh shit.” Malfunctioning (or, again, over-performing) ED medication is a universal nightmare for anyone who’s even thought about popping a little blue helper, and living through the corrective procedure vicariously is only slightly less exciting (no pun intended) than experiencing it first-hand.
Thankfully, “The Pitt” approaches the hour-long procedure with the routine exhaustion of the doctors who perform it far too often. After a hysterical shot of newbie Emma (Laëtitia Hollard) gawking at Mr. Randall’s erection (while Dr. Al looks on in polite admiration), Mel (Taylor Dearden) and Santos (Isa Briones) drain the shaft with a weariness that soon shifts into boredom. Their nonchalance helps bring the intimidating operation down to earth, as does Mr. Randall’s.
He walks in, he walks out. He’s asked about “the big one” (by Langdon, awkwardly referring to the “milestone anniversary” that prompted Mr. Randall’s double dose) and he’s not awake for Santos’ “that’s what she said” joke. He may not get to enjoy any fireworks this July 4th, but his is an outpatient procedure on a list where plenty of patients just hope to recover by Christmas.
Still, that basin holds a lot of blood.
Ick Factor: 5.2 (out of 10)
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The Samovar
Image Credit: Courtesy of Warrick Page / HBO Max Who knew honey farmers had so much sway in Hollywood?
Following “Marty Supreme’s” most buzzed-about scene (which is really saying something), “The Pitt” brought out its own surprise sap stash, when Mrs. Kovalenko (Irina Dubova) — who burned her leg with a Samovar (aka “a big metal urn for coffee or tea”) — revealed she treated her wounds with, you guessed it, honey. While not the worst idea, given honey’s “antibacterial and anti-inflammatory properties,” Dr. Robby (Noah Wyle) is still happy she came in — and not just so he can show off his Jewish heritage. Look who knows what a Samovar is!
(Seriously though, the scene in Episode 3 — which Wyle wrote — is intended as a way of honoring and remembering the victims of the 2018 attack on Pittsburgh’s Tree of Life Synagogue. Mrs. Kovalenko was there for the horrific shooting and now suffers from PTSD. A backfiring car sounded like a gunshot, and that’s why she dropped the Samovar.)
As for the severity of the scorch marks, they’re pretty nasty. Between the sticky honey and the sagging flesh, it sure looks a lot worse than the doctors make it out to be. She’ll be home in time for dinner — but no fireworks for Mrs. Kovalenko, either.
Ick Factor: 6.7
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The Motorcycle Safety Course Casualty
Image Credit: Courtesy of HBO Max / Screenshot Admittedly, this one barely qualifies as a surgery (even under our very loose definition of the term), since the patient is essentially D.O.A. and the open-skull fracture itself isn’t all that horrific. But two things catapult our “auto vs. motorcycle” victim onto the list:
1. When Dr. Robby removes the EMT’s gauze, there’s a sickening viscous sound reminiscent of the honey on our aforementioned burn victim. Except, of course, there’s no honey this time. Just blood and brains. Pair that with a brief glimpse of exposed brain matter and yup, this is a gross one (and thus also cool — I wonder what “The Pitt” crew used to make the brain…).
2. The point of the scene isn’t the unnamed man; it’s Dr. Robby. Our grizzled leader only has a few hours left before he can hit the open road on his brand new hog, and despite what he tells everyone, we know from Season 2’s opening scene that Dr. Robby doesn’t wear a helmet. So should he expect the same fate as this guy? Hmmm… I don’t know… maybe if they shared one more similarity…
“No helmet?” Joy (Irene Choi) asks.
“Nope, because he took the PennDOT Motorcycle Safety Course,” the cop on the scene says, to which Samira (Supriya Ganesh) promptly replies:
“Isn’t that what you took, Dr. Robby?”
Oh shit! Robby! Get a fucking helmet, my guy!
Ick Factor: 6.8
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The Hilar Flip
Image Credit: Courtesy of HBO Max / Screenshot “The Pitt” Season 2 didn’t waste much time before wheeling in its first shocking surgery. While slightly overshadowed by Dr. Robby and Dr. Al’s first fight (“Is the VA even a trauma center?” — daaaamn Dr. Robby, right for the jugular), the premiere’s initial patch job featured a deep chest incision (directly under the right nipple), a drainage tube gushing blood, and a spreader that opened the patient’s chest wider than a facehugger’s spawn.
Bloody organs are bouncing around, medical scissors (that’s a thing, right?) snap through muscle tissue, and Samira’s phone won’t stop dinging. The big team’s opening procedures aren’t working, so Dr. Robby suggests a radical idea: the hilar flip. They rotate the lung 180 degrees to stop the bleeding, “like putting a kink in a garden hose.” Victor’s wide-eyed reaction tells us there’s risk involved, which Dr. Al then puts into actual words — but it works. And watching the surgeons move those organs around is absolutely nuts.
What a start!
Ick Factor: 7.6
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The Immaculate Infection
Image Credit: Courtesy of Warrick Page / HBO Max Can a non-surgical condition treated with a quick shot and a little irrigation score a higher Ick Factor™️ than an actual surgery that involves flipping over a pried-apart patient’s organs?
…yes! And if you’ve got a problem with that, well, just look at this nun’s eye! It’s disgusting! Sorry Sister, but of all the unfortunate conditions treated on this list, I’d rather get put under and cut open a dozen times than be awake for five minutes with gonorrhea in my eye!
“Maybe it’s an immaculate infection,” Santos quips when the lab results first come back on Sister Grace (Heather Wynters). Turns out, it’s a simple case of unsanitary working conditions: The holy volunteer was working at a shelter for unhoused individuals without proper protective wear, so when she handled too many dirty sheets and clothes without gloves, she caught an infection.
Sister Grace takes the news pretty well, even dishing out some old-school nun admonishment (“I’m a nun, not a numbskull”) when Dr. Javadi implies she might not be familiar with gonorrhea. And despite the horrific visual, there’s nothing to be ashamed of: Jesus Christ Himself would’ve ended up with a crusty ol’ eyeball, too, had He decided to stop piddling around in Heaven and get down to Earth where there are real emergencies to deal with.
Anyway, it’s super-gross. Please don’t make me look at it anymore. Moving on!
Ick Factor: 7.9
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The Open Dislocation
Image Credit: Courtesy of Warrick Page / HBO Max Listen, I’m obviously not a doctor, and I don’t even watch that many medical shows, but when you can see the ball of some guy’s shoulder bone sticking out of his armpit, that’s pretty fucked up. Take it one step further, and watch as Mel digs four fingers under the “humeral head” to pop that bone right back into its socket — while sickeningly sliding under the armpit’s skin flap — and it’s really fucked up. Bodies shouldn’t do that. Just… no.
That being said, after getting over the shock of what “The Pitt” production team cooked up here (damn that’s cool), there’s immense satisfaction to be found in seeing these three doctors roll up their metaphorical sleeves and muscle a shoulder back into place — no cutting required.
The little pop when it’s all said and done? Priceless.
Ick Factor: 8.3
